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Miscarriage IS a Real Loss

To some mothers, miscarriage is simply a life event... to be gotten over, life goes on.

Unspeakable Losses: Healing From Miscarriage, Abortion, And Other Pregnancy Loss
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To many mothers, miscarriage represents a REAL loss, not JUST of her hopes and dreams, plans and fantasies. These began - not with this pregnancy - but deep in her childhood. As a little girl plays with dolls, she works out her ideas and fantasies of parenthood. Many girls looks forward to becoming a mother, from a very young age. As teenagers, we often know names, sex and number of children we plan to have, before a particular husband is even chosen.

Our belief in our womanhood is often wrapped up in the idea of motherhood. To lose a baby can make her FEEL a failure as a woman, and as a partner to the man in her life. To have repeated miscarriages can do a real number on her self-esteem, especially when doctors can find nothing physically wrong.

Partners tend not to share the depth of loss - not being as physically or emotionally involved. To many partners, the baby had not yet become a reality, as fathers are often four months behind the mother in attachment during pregnancy.

Doctors have very few answers and even in repeated miscarriages, only in 20% of cases is a reason found. Their suggestion to simply go home and try again - is insensitive to the mother's needs and fear of loss in a subsequent pregnancy. There is seldom any acknowledgement for the baby that has been lost, the mother's grief, or desire for THIS baby - not just any baby.

Some mothers have experienced fertility problems for years, and having this much-awaited baby snatched away seems too cruel of a trick. Other mothers experience subsequent infertility after a loss, making the loss even more tragic.

To every mother who mourns one or more losses, I hope you are able to find answers to your many questions, support and understanding for what you are feeling, information and sources to assist working through your grief. A place to share your experiences, realizing that you are not alone in your feelings of loss. And finally - hope for the future - that a subsequent pregnancy can be entered with less fear and anxiety.

Miscarriage poetry by Catherine McDiarmid-Watt - in memory of her 11 babies lost.

This article compliments of Born to Love.

Other articles that might be of interest:
• Miscarriage Article Index
• Shattered Dreams Book-List
• Shattered Dreams Back Issue List
• Poetry of Loss
• Miscarriage: So Terribly Empty
• Death of a Dream
• My Babies, Never-To-Be-Known
• Am I a Mother?
• Miscarriage: Why Grieve?
• What a Shock! Anger?
• Emptiness
• Waiting
• Miscarriage IS a Real Loss
• Subsequent Pregnancy
• Shattered Dreams: To a Subsequent Child
• Multiple Losses
• How Do You Manage?
• Sharing
• Understanding
• How Do You Maintain HOPE?

Born to Love
Contact: catherine@borntolove.com

Born to Love articles are written by Catherine McDiarmid-Watt

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